Advocating for Suicide Survivors to live the lives they deserve.
My mission
I’m mission-oriented.
In journalism, my mission was to inform, educate and inspire. When I became a mentor and public speaker, it grew into helping people live lives that pop with passion, purpose and personality. I aimed to reach 100,000 people. I achieved that with my TEDx talk on leading an extraordinary life, my other speeches, and my 1:1 work.
Bottom line, we all need self-advocacy to live the lives we deserve.
But now my mission is deeper and more personal.
In 2014 I lost my brother to suicide.
Ten years after his death, I lost my father in the very same way. He was ill, but his manner of leaving this earth was symbolic.
The first loss sparked my mission to help others. The second loss led to a new focus: family and friends, loved ones of people who have died by suicide. POP tools can offer a lifeline, a way to prioritize your own survival after being crushed by grief.
I’ve learned that suicide survivors, as we are called, are at a significantly higher risk of depression, social withdrawal, PTSD and even dying by suicide ourselves. I want us to live, to grow, to love.
There are lots of us out there.
According to experts about 700,000 thousand people die by suicide annually. Each suicide affects five family members. That’s 3.5 million people. Data show these deaths impact 135 community members. That means 60 million people are now struggling across the world.
Many suicide survivors feel they don’t have social support. They can feel censored. Many are tormented by guilt, shame, and isolation. We need a safe space to grieve. We need to connect with one another.
While I cannot solve mental health issues, I can help people who feel they don’t fit in, or who feel they’re not fully living. I’m beginning to speak and write about what’s helped me.
I’ve shared some helpful tools and resources below.
My mantra is a Virginia Woolf quote: “I am rooted, but I flow.”
These are sayings I’ve come up with that help me cope:
Guilt is an emotion you feel if you have done something morally wrong. Regret is more likely what you feel. It’s important to know the difference, and not blame yourself.
*
“I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. And I forgive myself.” It’s amazing how freeing and soothing it feels to repeat this.
*
Life requires us to dig deep sometimes, to find a way to stand upright, stay centered. To stay alive.
It requires us both to stand strong but learn to be flexible, resilient—to ease the anguish.
I hope my message helps suicide survivors find a way to do all of the above.
I hope the POP Process® helps them learn to value themselves.
We all have a mission, if we accept it: to live full and meaningful lives—for those who no longer can.
And for ourselves.
Tips & resources that have helped me:
Search online for a suicide survivor support group
Find a therapist who specializes in grief counseling
Join social media groups for suicide survivors
Read memoirs about others on the same grief journey
Read how-to books on managing grief
Express your grief: through art, movement, writing
Find a way to physically express your anger: is there a rage room near you? Can you get access to a punching bag?
Don’t feel bad if you catch yourself feeling good!
Remember not everyone is judging you, or blaming you
Remember not to judge yourself
Practice Radical Self-Care (note—these may seem “fluffy” nice-to-haves, they are need-to-haves as our minds and bodies are connected)
Get a massage
Talk a walk in nature
Splurge on a healthy meal
Make sleep a priority
Take a bubble bath
Schedule regular phone or 1:1 chats with friends
A few links to books / organizations that have helped me:
-
“An intimate guide to grieving that offers hope and healing within loss from one of the nation’s top grief therapists.
Conscious Grieving is a book for anyone seeking guidance and support after loss. Renowned grief therapist Claire Bidwell Smith combines her deeply personal experience of loss with her long career spent working with thousands of people to introduce a new approach to grief, one that promotes hope and even transformation.” More…
-
“Hope after Suicide. Welcome to a place of healing & remembrance. If you have lost a loved one to suicide, you are not alone.” More…
-
-
“From a leading voice in resilience and bereavement science who has personally experienced incomprehensible loss, a fully updated and expanded new edition incorporating contemporary research, insight, and advice. Resilient Grieving offers an empowering alternative to the five stages of grief—and makes clear our capacity for growth following the trauma of a loss that changes everything.” More…
-
“From the chief medical correspondent of ABC News, an eloquent, heartbreaking, yet hopeful memoir of surviving the suicide of a loved one, examining this dangerous epidemic and offering first-hand knowledge and advice to help family and friends find peace.” More…
-
“This penetrating analysis aims to demystify a subject that knows no cultural or demographic boundaries.
Why do people want to kill themselves?” More…
-
“A regular JournalSpeak practice allows repressed emotions and stored trauma to safely rise, eliminating the brain’s protective impulse to send pain signals. As you learn how to develop this tool, you will also rewire your neural pathways and gain awareness, presence, and freedom from chronic pain”. More…
Articles
What Do We Know about Suicide Bereavement, and What We Can Do to Help Suicide-Loss Survivors?
“Suicide is not only the end of life for the deceased but also the beginning of a highly challenging life for those left behind”. While most efforts and scientific studies concerning suicide focus on prevention… Read more
Research suggests that suicidal behaviour is aggregated in families. However, due to methodological limitations, including small sample sizes, the strength and pattern of this aggregation remains uncertain… Read more
Familial clustering of suicide risk: a total population study of 11.4 million individuals
Access these resources
Access downloadable resources designed to support anyone who’s lost a loved one to suicide.
These tools offer guidance, comfort, and community for those navigating this difficult journey.
And for this community, I’m offering a complimentary copy of my Make Your Life POP ebook.
A compassionate guide written by someone who has experienced the same loss, offering insights and support for those grieving after suicide.
A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide by Jefferey Jackson
This resource shares stories and advice from across New Zealand, providing valuable insights into the experiences of those running and participating in support groups after suicide loss.